IS YOUR SELF-LOVE EXCESSIVE?

In today’s society, there is a strong emphasis on prioritizing our own dreams and desires, and to nurture a strong sense of self-love. But how can we take our self-love to even greater heights? From the moment we wake up until we go to bed, our lives revolve around ourselves. We think about what we want to eat, what we want to wear, or how we are going to have fun. It’s almost second nature for us to overlook our weaknesses and instead focus on our strengths, aspirations and desires. Even when we think about the future, we unfailingly take center stage in every scene. For at the core of every chapter in our lives lies our cherished self, someone we instinctively protect and nurture with unwavering devotion. We simply love ourselves a little bit too much.

   When we examine the motivations behind our actions, our goals, and the choices we make, it becomes evident that our pursuits are often driven by a desire for personal satisfaction. We might think that our most noble endeavors are motivated by love, but in reality, we could be striving to excel in every aspect of our lives driven by a need for superiority. While, it's natural to aim for success and appreciate recognition for our efforts, if our actions are solely motivated by self-love and not genuine love, we might become blinded by self-idolization. 

   God wants us to put our trust in Him, not in us. Romans 12:3 says we shouldn’t think too highly of ourselves, but with sober judgment. Having an inflated self-perception can lead to feeling of superiority and an irrational and distorted perception of one’s true nature. Conversely, a sober mindset reflects prudence, sound judgment, and wisdom.

How Can We Determine if We Love Ourselves Excessively? 

This inflated self-love often lurks beneath our awareness, creating a constant internal battle. Our instinct to defend and shield ourselves makes it challenging to acknowledge the issue. Personally, I discovered I had an issue with excessive self-love through prayer. I asked God to show me if I loved anyone or anything above Him. Then He began to show me how I was always on my mind, and how competition, envy, and a need for control influenced my life. I realized that many of my goals and interests were rooted in the urge to outperform others, which ultimately left me feeling drained. Gradually, I learned that true joy comes from loving God above all. I also learned to appreciate others, and realized that our well-being is deeply connected to practicing the love of God.

    But there are various indicators that may reveal an excessive love for oneself. For example, if we:

• place great importance on receiving respect and admiration 

• struggle to accept advice or listen to others

• are hypersensitive to constructive criticism or comments about ourselves

• have a tendency to highlight our strengths and overlook our flaws 

• cling on to our intellect, appearance, social status, acts of kindness, or to anything that gives as a sense of pride

• have a tendency to be overly assertive about our rights, to prioritize our own views, and to dominate conversations

• are often entitled and less grateful 

 It’s important to note that not showcasing our accomplishments doesn’t necessarily mean we are off the hook; some people are naturally more reserved while still harboring a strong sense of self-importance.

   Excessive self-love can cause us pain, as an intense focus on ourselves often results in inner turmoil that can manifest as bitterness, illness, or anxiety when we face uncontrollable situations. This self-centeredness not only distorts our perception of ourselves but also affects our relationships with others, as we tend to become arrogant, impatient, unforgiving, and ungrateful.

   The Bible repeatedly emphasizes the importance of giving glory and honor to God because of the destructive nature of seeking personal glory. Attempting to claim glory for ourselves is a grave mistake, echoing the prideful fall of Satan, who was cast down for his desire to be like God. In our pursuit of validation and praise, we unwittingly mirror his actions, reminding us that our longing for recognition and glory is rooted in a perilous legacy.

How Do We Become Less Self-absorbed?

The first step in this journey is to confess our tendency towards excessive self-love and pride, as genuine repentance cannot be attained without acknowledging our sins. While the world may not view their excessive love as sin, as followers of Christ, we should deeply regret it and confess it as many times as we need to. Moreover, we can be sure that "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9). It's that simple!

   The Lord may guide us through certain difficult and painful experiences to help us let go of our pride and excessive self-love. However, we have to learn to connect our suffering to our pride in order to grasp God’s purpose for our pain. Jesus tells us that we need to be born again, which requires a form of death. In John 3:3, He illustrates this with the analogy of a grain of wheat that must fall to the ground and die to produce fruit. A seed can only thrive when it is buried, allowing it to grow roots and yield a harvest. God desires for us to flourish in alignment with His plan, but this requires us to relinquish our ego, even if it hurts. The wonderful aspect of this journey is that, after each trial, we often feel a sense of relief as God lifts those burdens we were never meant to carry.

   Love should be the force driving our actions, as the Bible instructs us: "Let all that you do be done in love" (1 Corinthians 16:14). By carefully examining our motivations, we can determine whether we are driven by the love of God or by selfish ambitions. This reflection should be done with an open heart, it should also be continuous and sincere, always seeking to please God, not ourselves.

   Give God all the glory, it belongs to Him anyway. But this goes beyond mere songs; we glorify God through our thoughts, aligning our desires with His will and setting aside our own interests, even if it means being overlooked. Proverbs 27:2 advises, “let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips”. When others praise you for whatever reason, the next thing you should do is fall on your knees and redirect the praises toward Him. 

   By stepping back from the spotlight and allowing God to take center stage, we find comfort in His protection, as He shields our hearts from harm and quells the attacks of the enemy. When faced with offense or rejection, we are able to recognize it as part of His divine plan. By viewing our experiences through the lens of Scripture, we discover that our suffering diminishes, as we no longer place ourselves at the forefront of our lives.

   When we focus solely on our own desires and ambitions, we overlook God’s main purpose for our lives, which is to learn to love the way He loves. In the book of Mark 12:29, Jesus declared that the greatest commandment is to love the Lord with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. While this may seem extreme, it serves as a necessary antidote to our tendency to focus on self-love. Pursuing what we think brings us fulfillment can be draining, while loving God with all our strength provides us with true peace and meaning.

Embrace Humility

Many of us long to embody humility, yet we often struggle because it is a divine trait, exemplified perfectly by Jesus. However, Jesus also said: “Learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:29). This means that it is possible for us to embrace humility because it's a gift we receive from Him. Just as one would seek a math expert for assistance in mathematics, we must turn to the ultimate source of humility to learn its true essence.

   Humility isn’t about punishing ourselves or feeling inferior, it's about cultivating a healthy and balanced self-love. It’s about recognizing that we are broken and in need of a Savior. A key aspect of humility is its subtlety; a genuinely humble person will never proclaim to be humble, because the moment they do, they lose that quality. Humility, is akin to dew on flowers—visible to others but invisible to themselves. You'll know you are learning humility when you stop thinking excessively about yourself. That’s how you know you are on the right track. 

   This journey is not about avoiding failure or seeking perfection, but rather about letting go of the false love of our life by embracing the only true love that lasts for eternity. Each day, our soul will continue to seek self-gratification. In that moment, we are faced with the choice of who or what we will worship. As we seek the Lord in prayer, meditating on His Word, we shift our focus away from our own fantasies and obsessions. Each time we are in His presence, a genuine transformation takes place within us, often unseen, as we align our mindset with His. Each experience we encounter, whether joyful or challenging, will help us shed sin and become more united with His Spirit. By submitting to His will, we emerge with diminished pride and arrogance, growing closer to His likeness and becoming less self-absorbed.

Photograph source: CANVA