FINDING PEACE AND FREEDOM IN FORGIVENESS

When it comes to relationships, one of the toughest hurdles we face is the journey of forgiveness, whether it’s about granting it to others or seeking it for ourselves. Our instinct is often to withdraw from those who have caused us pain, which obscures our ability to recognize our own shortcomings and strains our relationships with God and others. When someone hurts us we might feel tempted to either seek revenge or suppress our emotions, thinking that time alone will heal our wounds. Yet, letting grievances linger without the healing touch of forgiveness only deepens the bitterness within us. On the other hand, choosing to forgive paves the way for peace and freedom, alleviating the heavy burden of resentment that hinders our personal growth.

Forgiveness is at the heart of the Gospel, which is the very reason for Jesus’ mission—to grant us forgiveness. By embracing His forgiveness and openly confessing our faith in Him as Lord, we receive eternal life. Nevertheless, in Matthew 6:14-15, Jesus emphasizes the importance of our own readiness to forgive others; our heavenly Father will only extend His forgiveness to us if we choose to forgive. Moreover, accepting God’s forgiveness while refusing to forgive others is a sign that Jesus is not truly the Lord of our lives, as noted in Luke 6:46 says: “Why do you call me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and do not do what I tell you?” 

On one occasion, the Apostle Peter approached Jesus with a question about forgiveness, asking, “‘Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.’” (Matthew 18:21-22). It seems Peter was grappling with a challenging relationship, seeking a way to handle forgiveness. So he proposed a limit, a number that would allow him to feel in control. However, Jesus expanded that number exponentially, emphasizing that forgiveness should have no boundaries. His message was clear: forgiveness is not merely a suggestion but a command from God, urging us to forgive as many times as it’s necessary.

Resentment can cloud our vision, preventing us from recognizing the broader perspective. When we focus solely on the negative, we undermine the value of the positive impacts others have made in our lives. It’s amazing how one offense can overshadow countless acts of kindness, causing us to disregard meaningful relationships. In fact, we may even be willing to sacrifice years of joyful memories for a single grievance. In Hebrews 12:14, the Lord encourages us to pursue peace and holiness, lest we allow bitterness to take root and obstruct our path to grace. 

Unforgiveness traps us in a relentless cycle of fixation on those who have wronged us, ultimately leading to our own captivity. Revelation 13:10 says, “If anyone leads into captivity will himself go into captivity.” By clinging to resentment, we imprison ourselves within a painful web of anguish, consumed by thoughts of retribution. However, James 1:19-20 reminds us, “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to get anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” While we desire God’s intervention, we often seek to administer justice ourselves. However, to attain God’s justice, we must relinquish control and place our trust in His ability to enact justice.

FORGIVENESS IS A GIFT YOU GIVE TO YOURSELF

Forgiveness is not just about releasing someone from their debt, but also about liberating ourselves from the heavy burdens of anger and resentment. Although some wounds may seem impossible to overcome, like the devastating loss of a child or the trauma of violence, embracing forgiveness can unlock deep personal healing. I once listened to a woman share her journey of forgiveness after suffering unimaginable abuse and disfigurement from her ex-husband. Remarkably, she decided to confront him in prison and offer her forgiveness. When asked why she made such a choice, she simply stated, “Because when you forgive, you do it for yourself.” 

When we recite the Lord's Prayer, we seek God’s forgiveness in the manner that we extend forgiveness to those who have wronged us. Many of us don’t realize the significance of this request while holding onto resentments. It would pose a serious issue if God took our words literally. I recall a time when a tenant paid me with a bad check and left without settling two months’ rent. Despite my attempts to reach her, I received no response. Then the bank informed me that such checks could lead to criminal charges. Although I struggled with resentment, I chose not to pursue legal action. I felt convicted by Matthew 5:25 to forgive in order to find peace. I reached out to her by email, expressing my forgiveness and encouraging her to draw closer to God. By doing this, I felt a heavy burden lifted from my heart, replacing it with peace and joy for having done what was right in the eyes of God. She later shared her struggles, revealing the hardship her family faced. By choosing forgiveness over retribution, I not only liberated myself from resentment but also offered her a chance for redemption. Had I chosen to press charges, I would have harmed an entire family and jeopardized my own prayers, as God made it clear that reconciliation was necessary for Him to hear me. 

God may allow certain people to offend us for a higher purpose, aimed at instilling in us the values of forgiveness and mercy. Through these experiences, He seeks to cultivate His love within us, providing us with the perfect opportunities to practice forgiveness and grace. It may seem unusual, but we ought to acknowledge a degree of gratitude towards our adversaries for their role in shaping us to be more like Jesus. This doesn’t mean we ought to tolerate abuse from everyone we encounter. Forgiveness is not about allowing ourselves to be mistreated, it’s about releasing the offender from our resentment. 

FORGIVING CAN BE HARD, BUT NOT IMPOSSIBLE

Anger and resentment often feel like our only means of achieving justice, leading us to cling to these emotions as if they are our only hope. However, we are not alone, God is eager to mend our wounds and renew our spirits. Open your heart to the Lord. Ask Him to heal your wounds, turn your resentment into love, and give you the strength to forgive. Remember, He knows your pain intimately, having endured betrayal and suffering Himself, yet He chose to forgive us through His sacrifice. 

Finding support within a Christian community is also incredibly beneficial. By sharing your struggles, you can alleviate some of your burdens. Additionally, listening to others share their own difficulties may reveal that they’re facing similar or even more daunting issues, helping you shift your focus away from your own suffering. 

Unforgiveness stands in opposition to the fruit of the Spirit, and can develop into a spiritual stronghold, requiring strong measures to overcome. Consider fasting to help clear your mind and perceive the spiritual realm accurately, recognizing the forces you’re up against. Fasting is also a practice that humbles us and reminds us of our flaws. 

Reflect on those you have wronged and the pain you may have inflicted on others. Acknowledging our own faults allows us to extend compassion to those who have hurt us. We often underestimate our own potential to inflict harm and therefore feel entitled to judge. But consider this: if our children were confronted with hunger or peril, it’s uncertain how far we would go to ensure their safety. Similarly, we can only guess what side of history we would have stood on during atrocities like American slavery, the Holocaust, or the Inquisition, where people were often forced to comply with oppressive systems for their own survival. What we do know is that our moral compass can quickly waver under pressure. Hence, we must hold steadfast to God’s unwavering justice rather than relying on our own flawed sense of right and wrong. 

Refrain from speaking negatively about those who have wronged you. Romans 12:14 instructs us to “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.” Just as you would treat a physical injury with care to promote healing, it’s essential to safeguard your emotional wounds. Continuously revisiting these injuries by criticizing your offender prevents healing. Instead, lay your pain before God and trust Him to restore your heart.

Don’t wait until you feel the desire to forgive because it may never come. Time only deepens wounds, fostering bitterness and hardening our hearts. The Scripture says, “Do not let the sun go down on your anger” (Ephesians 4:26). And, “If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift” (Matthew 5:23-24). While God plays a crucial role in this journey, the choice to forgive ultimately lies with you. Make the decision to let go of resentment before it takes away even more than you’ve already lost.

Imagine the various scenarios where those who hurt you face consequences for their actions. If you had the power to enact justice, how would you hold them accountable? More importantly, would their pain be enough to heal your wound? I suspect I know your response, as I too have clung to past grievances. Now, picture your offender standing before you, and calmly say to him/her: “I forgive you. I accept the loss, the debt, and the hurt, and today I release you, for Jesus Christ took my sins upon Himself, granting me the power to forgive you.” Do that as many times as necessary, trusting it aligns with God’s perfect will, until it becomes your reality. In that moment, you will feel an incredible sense of liberation and victory, the only regret you’ll have is not having done this sooner.

Imagine the transformation in our world if we truly applied God's teachings in our relationships, fostering the kingdom of God in our lives through a willingness to seek and extend forgiveness. Following God's will may be challenging, as it often requires us to tread a narrow path. Yet, witnessing love and goodness prevail is a beautiful sight, and we can be part of that victory by cultivating a gentle heart, free from resentment and bitterness. 

Photograph source: CANVA